I started to answer in a comment to her post and quickly realized that I was going to take up far too much room. So here we are. My bridge.

This version of my bridge is pretty damn new. We hastily built it within the last three weeks, out of recycled materials and combined purpose. It’s not exactly rickety, but it’s clearly not meant to last forever. It’s strong enough to carry us on our quick, unexpected move.

I don’t know what this bridge looks like, except that it is wide enough for Dave and I to walk side-by-side comfortably. It has intermittent spots with overstuffed chairs, soft blankets, classical music, and tissues. It starts at our current apartments (we have two, across the hall from one another) and vanishes into a fog. It’s not a cold fog, just a haze that obscures the other end. My bridge starts in a sad place, once filled with homey safety and now filled with fear and uncertainty. It ends at our Happy New Home. We have a vague idea of what might be there, but we haven’t fully seen it yet.

Dave doesn’t have time yet to start across the bridge, but he’s right there, ready to go. I’ve been foraging ahead – exploring – a little bit at a time. Finding those little comfort stations, having tiny breakdowns, giving myself permission to fall apart for a few minutes, but also to be scared and to go running back to Dave for hugs and support. I know I don’t have to cross this one alone. Together we are stronger.

I’m actually pretty happy with the bridge. I see that in creating the comfy rest stops, I’ve learned to start building the need for comfort and safety (and the ability to ask for them) into my life. It’s a surprise to see this progress when the last few weeks have been so chaotic. And I’ve been exploring this bridge, seeing glimpses of our Happy New Home, and considering exciting new possibilities (a garage! a garden! no bums! no sirens! the hilarity of cats sliding around on hardwood floors!).

So, yeah, that’s my bridge. At least for now. I suspect I’m secretly (even from myself) already building new bridges in new directions. New ones that will start once we’ve found the end to this one.